im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
