Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
