It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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