How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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