i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize