I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
