Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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