I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
is it fun? or sober?
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