I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
