I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
