He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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