I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
