I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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