This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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