i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
please come you make the beer taste better
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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