I think my vagina is haunted
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
