I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
