You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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