Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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