Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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