You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
