I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
