I showed him my bush... on skype.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
