i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
did you just send me my own nude
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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