Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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