What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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