I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
