Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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