I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize