are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
