i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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