I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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