I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Found the puke drawer
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
