Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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