you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
