What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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