Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
