That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
