Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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