Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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