we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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