I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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