All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
