Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
