If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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