so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
