that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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