I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
