so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
