dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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