i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she looked like the before picture.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
