if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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