i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The uberlube is also flammable
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
