Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
