Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
