he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
