We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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