Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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