Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
operation have a gay friend backfired
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
