So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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