why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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