He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
