Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
