I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
