in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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