Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
MIDGETS
????
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
