no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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