whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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