Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You may now shotgun with the bride
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
