Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
