I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
