I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
