Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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