My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
