Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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