Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
