Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
