I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
