I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
