I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
