More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
