What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
